You Don't "Luck Into" Love: How To Find It

For those who are single or starting over, dating can be daunting. Maybe you'd love to settle down, but the methods of meeting a man just don't seem to be working, and everywhere you turn, advice abounds.

"Try dating online!" your friends suggest. "Been there, done that," you think.

"You need to meet my brother—his missing teeth and eye patch are totally charming," your colleague offers.

"You should just settle down. So what if Harry doesn't call as much as you'd like? At least you won't die alone!" your mother urges.

On top of the well-meaning but poorly received advice, there's the damage that years of dating or looking for "the one" can do to one's self-esteem, motivation and optimism. Dr. Diana Kirschner, a psychologist and love expert who contributes regularly to the Today show, wants to revolutionize the way women look for love. Her book, Love in 90 Days, presents some ideas that—on the surface—may seem unappealing.

 

How much about finding love is effort versus chance? 

People say, "If it was meant to happen, it would happen." Now, in what other area of life would you ever take that attitude? I mean, "If I was meant to be fit, it would just happen. I would be fit?" Or, "If I was meant to learn French, it would just happen. I would know French." Well, you know, love isn't any different. Luck meets the prepared mind, right?  So, you have to be prepared, and you have to work on yourself. Number one is your own self-love and, then, you have to put yourself out there.

 

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